Match result
Result added October 20th, 2011
| Match notes |
On a sunny day - a very, VERY sunny day, in fact - the brave but battered Nuggets faced the elite but emasculated Blonde Bombers. Both teams had suffered injuries in their previous match: the Nuggets had to play without the treeman blitzer Grumpy Rotroot, while the Bombers could only field one of their two thrower twins since Rosalie Ann was still bedbound.
It was clear from the start that the Nuggets were outclassed. In order to induce them to play at all, the commishioners sponsored them with massive amounts of gold - more than the entire fieldable team was worth! For this money the Nuggets hired star players Morg'nThorg and Deeproot Strongbranch, their usual chef, and some local talent: Johnny Waterboy, whose water was as envigorating as the more usual Bloodweiser beer, and a bunch of talented extra cheerleaders and assistant coaches from the nearest pub. Even so, the Nugget coach stated that he'd count any defeat by less than a 4-touchdown difference as a moral victory.
The game went by in a flurry, and this reporter is sure to have missed some details. It seemed as if the Bombers made a quick snap to punch through the defensive line whenever the Nuggets kicked; and whenever the Bombers kicked they were able to deploy their defence perfectly to deny Morg and the trees any chances of tenderizing the elves. (To make matters worse Morg repeatedly attempted to hug the elves instead of mauling them. When the coach questioned him about this, he replied "Mom said never to hit girls! Those elvesies are girls! I can't hit them, can I?")
An interesting incident occurred at the start of the second half, when Gumbo Bitburg complacently sat watching the kick-off from the Reserves box only to realize that he was supposed to be on the pitch! He rapidly wolfed down the sticky buns he was enjoying and rushed out onto the field... somewhat belatedly.
Aside from such amusement, the match went solidly against the Nuggets. It seemed as if the ball popped loose if either of the wardancers so much as looked at it, and whenever that happened some other elf - usually Marjorie Ann - snatched it up and passed it to a catcher who then made a touchdown. This was of course extremely frustrating for the Nuggets, and Odo Dishup in particular vented his spleen by blocking Dixie Jane into the ground and then knocking out Duchess of Fubar by kicking her in the temple. Unfortunately the Bombers took offense at this, and during the second half Leapin' Liz very literally smashed Odo to pieces. (His funeral will be celebrated shortly.) Fortunately the wardancers alternated in the Knock-Out box, so occasionally the Nuggets were able to hide the ball from them allowing Anto Gaffer to score twice. The team's passing play is also improving, with an impressive (well, for 'flings at least) total of three completed passes. Of course this paled in comparison to the Bombers' five touchdowns and six completed passes.
After the match the coach pondered the outcome. Although the team had met his original goal, to loose by less than four touchdowns (the final difference was of course three), they had lost the game thoroughly - and lost a skilled player dead as well. As he walked from the dug-out, he was heard muttering: "Well, that could've gone better..."
---
The Bombers had been apprehensive for the game against Northfolk Nuggets . Apart from facing a 910K team with 930K inducements, there was the fact that no team had managed to score more than two touchdowns against these doughty halflings, two teams had tied with them in eight games and finally they had just beaten FFS!! with a solid two nil score, showing that they were on a roll and implying a good stalling game.
There was one dark cloud on the halfling sky - Grumpy Rotroot was out for the game, his rotten core having been exposed by a particularly vicious block during the Northfolk Nuggets - FFS!! (Season 6, Round 2) without the team carpenter being able to do anything about it. By the looks of the game they were both busy restoring Grumpy for the upcoming game Body Count - Northfolk Nuggets (Season 6, Round 4). This would mean that when getting the usual Morg'N'Throg, Halfling Chef and Deeproot Strongbranch that any aspiring halfling coach will dream about, Morg would not be able to roam free at will, but instead be locked up on the line of scrimmage in the spot that Grumpy should have held. We'll hear more about how that worked out later (although you've read parts of it in the other report above.)
As mentioned, the halflings did get Morg, Deeproot and their customary (some say mandatory) chef, as well as having gotten hold of some mighty good "H2O" at a local pub, as well as a large crowd of skilled cheerleaders and local know-it-alls willing to assist in coaching. And if many of those helpers had pointy ears or were sporting green scarves, well, beggars can't be choosers and the Nuggets needed any assistance they could get if they were going to actually win this game.
The Bombers elected to start on offense, wanting to have a shot at scoring before getting caught up in what was expected to be a long war of slug-out stalling. And offensive they were. The horrifying Nugget defense with diving tacklers Brodo Theller and Frothy Angel in position to make any advance down to the halfling downfield a harrowing experience - was laid bare with a forward placement of Bombers and a quick snap. Pushing away halflings (and Morg) right and left, the Bombers ran in a bunch of receivers, weren't shut down and rookie catcher  Gale Force scored 1-0.
Then the Nuggets received the ball, got some good and cunning advice from their crowd of know-it-alls (which would be the one and only time they would actually be useful), and set out to score. Some problems were had along the way, but the Bombers fumbled their attempts at getting the ball loose once it was on the ground and the Nuggets lightfoot Anto "Mac" Gaffermanaged to run in a score 1-1, after Odo "Fingers" Dishup had managed to badly hurt recent addition Dixie Jane.
There were only two turns left on the Bomber clock after this, but as a gift from the weather gods the horrible sunlight was covered by a few clouds. Distracted and surprised at not being able to get a drop on their halfling opponents, the Bombers showed Morg around again but failed to get their action in gear. Finally Gale Force had to take it upon herself to just plain run straight past two halflings in an extremely risky yet finally profitable move. The Nuggets then failed to have anyone in place to take her down and her second touchdown for 2-1 was soon a fact.
After this all that remained for the Nuggets was to either try to draw again with a risky flying halfling move, or do a more conservative attempt of bashing down a few elves and trying to pass the ball around a bit. Listening to the advice of the know-it-alls a bit too long allowed the elves to reposition their "exploit a riot" setup into a "stop running halflings" one, meaning there was no longer very much to beat up. And with both Morg and Deeproot apparently more interested in stealing a few gropes against the fairly uncommon all-female opposition instead of doing a proper bashing game, nothing much more happened during the first half.
-
The second half started with the halflings on the offense, but it also started with a considerably less interesting halfling chef and another perfect defense disturbing the halfling attack. A few other surprises later (like how much of the pitch a running wardancer can cover in a single sprint) saw Hanna Solo run in the 3-1 TD. Then I seem to have lost track too. I know that another attack from the Nuggets ran straight into another perfect defense, I know that Hanna Solo managed to run in a 4-1 TD after a halfling cage had left an opening for Vicious Virgin to strip some ball. But then halflings managed to persevere in one attack and Anto "Mac" Gaffer managed to run in a 4-2 TD, before yet another quick snap and a touchback allowed Windy Lou to run in a final 5-2 touchdown, meaning that this game alone stands for 33% of all Nuggets touchdowns throughout their nine-game history. Both in touchdowns they have made themselves, and touchdowns that have been scored against them.
And once more a player gets an epiphany after having faced the Bombers. Previously "Blast" Grimbrew learned some serious dexterity tricks from watching the twins intently. This time "Blondie" Leffer was inspired by the intense passing and dodging of Marjorie Ann and has learned to sneak around the pitch just as easily. (Grimbrew got AG5 after his game, Leffer got AG 4 after this one.)
Other interesting trivia of the game is that Morg was twice wrestled down Torya Anewone (or did wrestle her down) for some nookie, and Gumbo Bitburg did actually show up late for the second half, and got to set up in the endzone after the first Nugget turn. This should have made him more available to stop the Bomber stolen touchdown, but sadly enough he was unable to get in the way of that either. Duchess of Fubar did live up to her name, having gotten a permanent injury from Willow Longleaf that could possibly have been prevented by some swift apothecary action, but alas the call was that this was unnecessary for a rookie, so the herbs and concoctions of the apothecary remained unused during the game. |
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